


Evol

by DarkestInfatuations



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Feels, M/M, Major Illness, Pseudo-Incest, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-16
Updated: 2013-10-16
Packaged: 2017-12-29 14:41:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,190
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1006603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DarkestInfatuations/pseuds/DarkestInfatuations
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Raphael becomes what appears to be terminally ill, he knows there's at least one confession to make...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Donatello had been working tirelessly for exactly 52 hours straight, on 3 hours of sleep. Every piece of lab equipment in the lair was strewn about his large working desk, the printer constantly spitting out copies of different test results.  
  
' _I can't even think straight anymore…_ ' the sound of the printer jamming caused the olive turtle to slam his fist down on the desk.   
  
' _Please…. Just not now…_ ' He couldn't stop his eyes from tearing. There was too much happening, and it was hard enough to concentrate on sorting and analyzing the test results, let alone concentrate on not curling into a ball and sobbing.  
  
"Hey, Donnie. Can I talk to you?"  
  
Donatello jumped slightly. It was no surprise he hadn't heard the eldest Hamato son open the lab door. Saving the notes he had been writing and setting down a clipboard, he wiped his eyes before turning around in his lab chair to gaze at his only elder brother standing in the doorway to the lab.  
  
"Yeah, come on in Leo."   
  
Leonardo silently stepped within the threshold, turning to close and lock the door behind him. He turned back, walking silently to his brothers' side, turning again to lean against the desk. He avoided eye contact for a long time, gathering his thoughts, finally looking to his younger sibling; Though his mask hid the dark bags beneath his eyes, he could see part of the darkness clinging to the rim of purple. His eyes were bloodshot, and he literally looked like hell had spent the night with him.  
  
"Donatello, you've been working – literally – for almost 2 weeks now with barely any sleep. 24 hours of it, at the most. You're not going to be able to figure out what's wrong if you die of sleep deprivation. We're all concerned… Raph is concerned. To the point he's not eating."  
  
Donnie sighed heavily, cradling his head and covering his eyes in the same slow move.   
  
"Leo, I can't sleep. Approximately 6 weeks and 4 days ago, Raphael took ill. In only roughly 2 weeks, it was bad enough he couldn't hide it from me anymore. In 3 weeks, it was so severe he was bedridden with what appeared to be a severe case of the flu. At 4 weeks, he developed signs of anemia. I didn't tell anyone so you wouldn't be afraid, but a bit over a week ago, he had an absent seizure – he may have had more and nobody knew. Right now, his breaths are quick. His pulse is high, even though he's not doing any kind of physical activity, and during my times of monitoring, he's had several arrhythmias. His body isn't digesting food, what is left after he vomits. I can't give him anything for the nausea because of the other medications I'm using for the seizures and the flu symptoms. His condition is worsening," His voice broke near the last sentence, and he took a breath, shakily sighing as he felt the tears slip past his fingers.  
  
"If I don't find a cure, or even a treatment, he could die within the next 2 weeks, if not sooner. I'm not going to let him die because I wanted to sleep. I'm not going to," the words were strangled whispers, but Leonardo had heard them plainly. He looked down at his brother, moving to kneel in front of him, wrapping his arms around him. He bowed his head, crying with his brother, letting his brave façade fall.  
  
"I know you want to stay here and find a cure. But Donnie, if you can't even think straight, then what's the point? How are you helping Raphie?"   
  
When the only reply he received was strangled gasps for air between the falling of tears, he knew he'd broken through.  
  
"Please, go get some sleep. I will fix the printer and take care of Raph. If you won't sleep for me," he held him out at arms length to look him in the eye, "then sleep for him. He's scared. Never tell him I said it, but he is… I can see it when I look in his eyes. Don't make him any more so because you're neglecting your basic needs. You know he puts us before everything else. He's the protector, the pillar, the silent guardian. He can't tend to his duties and it's killing him."  
  
Donatello closed his eyes to stop the tears, the burden of the realization making him physically ill.  
  
"Do me a favor. Contact the utroms," he opened his eyes again to look at his brothers shocked sienna orbs.  
  
"I don't think I'll be able to find answers in time," Donnie whispered. Leo closed his mouth, nodding silently. Donnie took his mask off rubbing his wet eyes. Leo followed suit sighing deeply.  
  
"Please go show him that you're going to sleep. It would probably make him stop worrying." Donnie chuckled, nodding as he stood, turning for the lab door, mask still in hand. He shifted, slipping out into the living room. He saw Mikey curled up on the couch, curled up and asleep.   
  
The olive turtle slipped up the steps, moving silently for Raphs room. He paused outside the door, trying to mentally strengthen himself. Finally moving, he barely knocked before pushing the door open a little. Looking at his brother, perhaps his most loved brother, in such a state caused the strength he had gathered to slip through his hands like sand.   
  
Raphael was lying on his back, shell against the wall. His beautiful emerald skin was pale, dark and angry circles beneath his sunken eyes. The once bright and golden orbs were now dark and dull. His muscle mass had declined rapidly, his collar bones seeming to jut from his chest.  
  
"'Ey genius." It almost made the older terrapin to tear again, seeing a smile spread over the red banded brothers face. Donatello returned the smile, moving to set his own bandanna next to the red one on the nightstand.  
  
"How do you feel?" He walked to the side of the bed, looking down on his ill brother. The emerald turtle lifted his head up to gaze at the olive sibling.  
  
"If I said better, would ya' go 'ta sleep?" Donnie bowed his head, averting his eyes.   
  
"I came in to check on you before I went and got some." He looked back to him, leaning over the other slightly to check his temperature and pulse.   
  
"It's 8:00. Have you eaten anything?" Raphael made a face, closing his eyes.  
  
"The thought 'f eatin' anythin' makes me sick," he sighed. Donnie sighed as well, nodding.   
  
"I suppose it would be hypocrictal to chastise you for not eating when I haven't, wouldn't it?" Raphael opened his eyes, looking up to his brother.  
  
"Jus' a little." Donatello smiled, stretching and yawning.  
  
"I'm going to go get some sleep. You need anything?" Raph looked away, a pained expression coming over his face. After a few moments, he sighed, looking back to Donnie.  
  
"Close tha' door." Though confused, Donatello did as he was asked. He pushed it closed quietly, returning to his brothers side.  
  
 _'Please don't make some sort of deathbed confession…'_  
  
"Come 'ere." Raphael extended his hand, grabbing Donatellos' arm, and tugged. Donatello could've easily resisted but instead gave into his brothers demand. Raphael pulled him closer, until they were close enough to breath the same breath.   
  
Donnie waited for Raphael to say what he wanted, his golden eyes seeming to be searching him for something. Something he didn't know how to give, or to say. He was saddened when it was obvious that he was struggling not to let tears form.  
  
"Just tell me, Raphie. Just tell me." Raphaels' face contorted into a pained expression, and he reached out again, wrapping his arms around his brothers shoulders, cradling his face.  
  
"Promise me… promise me ya won't hate me. That yer always gonna love me as a brother." Donatello moved to wipe the lone tear falling down his beak, resting his hands on his shoulders.  
  
"What? Raph, I'll always love you! You know that!"  
  
"Promise me, Donnie." Donatello sighed, gripping his brothers' shoulders a little tighter.   
  
"I promise, Raphie. Now tell me." Raphael pulled him close, tucking his head beneath his chin, holding his brother tightly against him.  
  
"I love ya," he mumbled against the top of Donnies' head. Donatellos confusion was immediate.  
  
"Of course you do, Raph… you'r-" Raph slipped his thumbs under the olive turtles jaw, forcing him to look upwards and lock their gazes.  
  
"I _love you_ , Donnie." Donnies' eyes narrowed in confusion. He opened his mouth to speak, but it closed just as fast.  
  
' _ **Loves**_ _me._ '  
  
Raphael clenched his eyes shut, sighing wearily. He pulled Donnie a little closer, kissing his beak tenderly, immediately withdrawing and untangling himself from him.  
  
"Ya can leave now." Raphaels voice was a low mumble, incredibly sad and so terribly broken. He closed, his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself.  
  
"Raphie, don't," Donatello pursued him, unwrapping his arms, trying to occupy the space he'd just been in. Raphael let him, wrapping his arms around him again warily. The intellectual turtle was bombarded by questions, before all else, and  tried desperately to find the most important one as he stuffed his face into Raphaels neck.  
  
 _'How could you love me? Why do you love me? When did you start loving me? How long have you suffered in silent agony? Why are you just now telling me?'_  
  
"Why didn't you tell me before now?" For minutes, silence was all that greeted him. He tried to be patient, waiting for the answer he knew his brother was struggling to voice.  
  
"I's so afraid I'd lose ya'… I couldn't bear tha thought of yer eyes looking at me with disgust, or hate. Like I thought they were." He gasped for breath, trying to pull his love closer, to hold him tighter. Donatello could feel his tears falling.  
  
"I couldn't lose ya'… because yer everythin' to me, Donnie. Yer a part of me, the air I breathe. If I could have ya just close enough to touch, even if I could never tell ya, it was better than not having ya at all. If I could just breath around ya, it was better than suffocatin' when  you said no." Donatello began to cry himself. From the exhaustion, the fear of losing Raph, the love just discovered, or the fact Raphael had been afraid to tell him of it, he didn't know.  
  
"An when I'd finally have tha courage ta tell ya, my heart'd scream at me in a thousand different languages I didn' understand. I didn' even know what ta say, or how ta say it… but I can't die without ya knowin'."  
  
Several minutes passed, neither of them breaking the silence. Suddenly, Donnie pulled back, looking Raph in the eye.  
  
"I love you too, Raph. I _love you_. And you're not going to die. I won't let you." Raphael just moved to cradle his head once again, looking at him with sorrow.   
  
"Promise me." The pained look got deeper, and Raph blinked several times.  
  
"Donnie… I can't make ya a promise I can't keep." Donatello gripped his plastron fiercely, trying his damndest not to cry anymore.  
  
" _ **Promise me!**_ " he yelled. They simply stared at one another, neither willing to give in.  
  
"I'm not gonna promise ya that, Donnie. But I'll promise ya, I'll fight ta be with ya." He sighed, pulling Donatello closer.  
  
"I'll fight ta my very last breath." Donatello slammed their lips together desperately, wrapping himself around Raphael. The emerald turtle met him just as aggressively, demanding access to his mouth, which was given without thought.  
  
However, neither of the brothers seemed to notice the third standing in the doorway.


	2. 2

"Raph, will you please try, just for me?" Donatello gazed down at his brother, trying to get the stubborn mule in disguise to drink some of the water he was persistently offering, much to the turtle in questions disgust.  
  
 _'No, not brother. Lover.'_ Yes, only a week ago things had changed when Raphael had told him of his feelings. Everything had changed.  
  
"M'not thirsty Donnie… I don' wan' throw up," Raph mumbled, throwing his too-thin arm across his face, not so subtly covering his mouth in the process. Donnie sighed wearily, setting the glass on the night stand and scooting closer to the red banded turtles frail form.   
  
Only a 9 days, and he had gotten even weaker. He couldn't help but notice the ribs denting the previously smooth surface between plastron and carapace, the shallow hole just above his hip bones, and all the other telltale things that were too easily noticed. Donatello ran his closest fingers gently up the offending arm, peeling it away from his loves pallid face, cringing when dull golden eyes peered at him. The depths couldn't hide his fear and pain, as much as the younger turtle tried.  
  
"Then I've got to start an IV, Raphie." Don felt his heart sink anew when he just simply nodded, grasping for his hand, slipping their fingers together. It was times like these, when Raphael conceded to medication and treatment willingly, that Donnie wondered how close the end really was.  
  
A sudden banging made both of the turtles jump out of their skin, the sounds reverberating through the near silent lair. The knocks upon the hidden lair door were  not something the turtles were greeted with very often. Raphael let out harsh sigh, shifting his weight.  
  
"Fuckers," he whispered, trying to catch his breath and get comfortable again. Donnie couldn't help but chuckle, moving to pull the covers over his form. He paused when the taller – no longer larger – turtle settled, gazing up at him silently.  
  
"Wha'?" Donnie just simply bent over him, ducking his head to steal a kiss. Then another, and another, until he heard Leos voice drifting into the room from downstairs.  
  
"Donnie, our guests need to see you." He paused, but Raphael gave no heed as he just slipped his tongue into said turtles mouth yet again. The olive brother moaned quietly, raising himself until Raph couldn't follow.   
  
"Coming," he called. He gazed down at his lover yet again, noting with concern an action so simple as kissing had him panting and his eyes lidded with exhaustion.  
  
"Maybe if you could focus your energies into something other than trying to kiss me senseless, you'd get better, hmm?" Donnie whispered, squeezing his hand. Raph just grinned crookedly, squeezing back.  
  
"I dunno Donnie, maybe if ya' weren' always temptin' me, I wouldn' wan' to, eh?" Donatello gave up, smiling as he kissed him on the beak.   
  
"Yeah, yeah. Love you," he mouthed. Receiving the same reply, he rose from the bed, padding quietly, out of the room, pulling the door too behind him. He didn't bother to look into the lair, instead focused on watching where he was going, remembering the incident a few days ago. Not bothering to look at the steps, he'd fallen down most of them, then practically wailed when he figured out that it was Raphael peeling him from the floor and not Leo or Mikey.  
  
 _'He'd sacrifice anything to make sure I was okay…'_ the thought brought both butterflies and a sick, tight feeling to his chest. He didn't need to think about it.  
  
When his feet hit the floor, he looked up to see several Utroms in their suits, a few which he recognized from the med bay when they had sent the Shredder into exile. Splinter was in the main room, as were both Leo and Mikey.  
  
"Donatello, it is good to see you again," the closest said warmly. Tell'u, the one who had treated his own wounds.  
  
"Tell'u, it's good to see you as well. Thank you so much for coming," he said quietly. He hadn't told Raph that he'd contacted the Utroms; he was scared enough, and it was already hard enough to see that fear in his eyes.  
  
"There is no need to thank us, we owe you and your brothers so much. We have brought the telepad with us so that we may take Raphael to the mothership immediately. If Leonardos' description rings true, then he needs immediate attention. There are other medics on standby waiting to receive him, afterwards we will have to make the trip in our vessel." Don nodded quickly, already turning and walking back up the steps.  
  
"I'll go get him." He practically ran to Raphs room, opening the door gently.  
  
"What's goin' on?" He seemed a little more awake, if for no other reason than to make sure nobody was invading their home.  
  
"The Utroms are here to take you to the mothership. I forgot to tell you I contacted them, Raphie. I'm sorry." Donatello had never been one for lying, but he would be damned before he made Raphael feel so incompetent he couldn't handle his own feelings.  
  
"S'okay. Help me?" He looked up, reaching his hand out. Donnie shook his head quickly.   
  
"I'll carry you." He'd already threw the covers back, reached his hands beneath his knees and around his shell when he could practically feel anger bubbling underneath Raphaels' skin.  
  
"I dun' need ya ta' baby me," he said sullenly, squirming as much as he could. Donnie just simply held on to him, letting the sting come and pass. Raphael didn't mean to push him away.  
  
"Raph, you've always been the one hovering over me, worrying over me, protecting me, taking care of me, babying me. Just let me do it for you, please?" The emerald turtle paused, looking away, and Donnie moved to whisper in his ear.  
  
"Because I love you?" Raphael gave a sour frown, wrapping his arm around Dons' neck.  
  
"Jus' once. But ya better not fall down tha' stairs again." Donnie chuckled, picking him up with too much ease, slipping out of the bedroom, traversing the stairs quietly. The Utroms must have been shocked into silence, grim lines about the features of their faces.   
  
"Raphael. You are even more ill than what we had thought," Tell'u said quietly, walking around the 'telepad'.  
  
"S'probly nothin' but chicken pox." Donnie couldn't help but smile sadly, trying his damndest not to cry.   
  
_'It won't be long. I'll be there in no time, he'll be fine while I'm gone. The Utroms will take care of him. **He'll be fine.'**_ He watched the Utrom press buttons on the front of the strange pad, as he stood in wait.  
  
"You kiddin' me? It's probably rabies, dude!" They all laughed at that, though the end of Raph's ended with a nasty sounding cough that Donnie could feel rattling his lungs.  
  
"Okay. Stand him upon this pad, then once the signal is received he will be instantaneously transported. There will be no pain, Raphael."  
  
Donnie did as he was told, gripping his loves' hand fiercely once he was standing in wait.  
  
"We'll see you in a bit, okay?" Raph nodded, gripping his hand weakly, looking into his eyes knowingly.  
  
"Just because yer outta' sight doesn' mean I'm gonna kick the bucket, Donnie. I made ya a promise." The older brother nodded slightly, tears welling in his eyes. He let him go, and within seconds a blue light filled the room, and Raphael was gone.  
  
The sudden notion that Raphael was just gone, just _not there_ anymore was enough to bring the turtle to his knees, gasping for breath as he struggled not to succumb to the pain he felt welling within him.  
  
 _'Is this what it will be like? He'll just be gone one day?'_ Donnie wanted nothing more than to desperately bring him back, to hold him in his arms until that moment came, to suck up every last nanosecond he would ever get with him, to have him and never let him go.  
  
"Donnie, Donnie it's okay," he heard Leo coo. He came to realize that he was on the lairs floor, Leo and Mikey smothering him in a shared hug, one rubbing his shell while the other rocked them slightly.  
  
"It's okay bro. He's strong, ya know? He'll be okay." Donatello tried to stop his tears, realizing he'd almost broken down, and in front of everyone no less. All he could do was nod, gripping onto his brothers arms like it was all he had left.  
  
"He'll be okay," he echoed in a whisper.  
  
Donnie promised himself it was the last lie he would ever utter.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
"Raph? Raphie?" After regaining his composure, they had retrieved the results that Donatello had gathered himself and traveled rather quickly to the waiting drop ship. After only a few hours, Donatello had been delighted after he'd been told that he could contact Raph with the Utroms version of a telephone. And he'd used it quite frequently.  
  
"M'here, Donnie." The voice was ragged, tired, and filled with pain.  
  
"Raphie, can they not give you any medication for the pain?" He could practically feel and see the emerald turtle shaking his head.   
  
"No, they said it'd inerfere' with tha' tests…" the intellectual side of Donatello agreed, though it was squashed firmly with distaste for Raphaels state.   
  
"What are they doing now?" There was a pause, and he could hear a Utrom in the background.  
  
"Says' there gonna probe me with special nan- what'd call 'em?" A patient, mumbled reply was heard in the background.  
  
"Nanites, Raph?"  
  
"Yeah, those. He says I need ta go…" Donnie looked around, making sure nobody else was in sight or hearing distance.   
  
"I love you Raph. I think we'll be there soon, okay?"  
  
"Love you… M'tired, Donnie. Sleep with me tonight?" It was something that had started a few nights after Raphaels confession; Raph had asked him to stay, and just the sounds of Raphael breathing had become an addiction to Donatello.   
  
"Of course, Raphie. I love you," he whispered again, feeling Raphs tired smile.  
  
"More." The tone was oddly challenging. Don was about to quip that, in fact, Raphael did _not_ love him more, but the phone line clicked off with sudden finality.  
  
 _'That ass!'_ The purple banded brother couldn't help but smile, holding the phone-like device to his chest. After spending a few seconds basking in the emotional warmth, he set off to find his brothers.   
  
Finding them was relatively easy, their scents so out of place in the Utrom ship, as well as Mikeys voice bouncing off the walls. Donnie walked down the last hallway, entering the main dining area, seeing Mikey and Leo sitting next to eachother on one of the benches, their arms locked together.  
  
 _'Odd…'_   
  
Leo turned to gaze at him, smiling, as did Mikey.  
  
"Donnie, come sit with us. We wanted to talk to you about something."  
  
 _'Very odd…'_ Don nodded quickly, moving to sit across from the two. He sat patiently, waiting, looking from one smug turtle to the other. His side felt suddenly cold without Raphael.  
  
"What is it?" The blue brother smiled widely.  
  
"We just wanted to tell you that we give both of you our blessing. If you will both give us yours," the eldest brother said quietly. Donatello stared at Leo in shock.  
  
 _'How could he? I had been SO careful about talking too loud, about making sure they didn't know!'_  
  
"Oh common, dude! It's, like, painfully obvious that you two are obsessed with one another! _'But Raphael, I love you more! Kiss me!'_ " He wailed overdramatically, making 'puppets' with his hands and then replaying a scene of what he supposed was him and Raphael making out, fully accompanied by slurping, sucking, and moaning sounds. Donatellos eyes narrowed as he grinned.  
  
"That's funny, because I recall the both of you spending well over an hour in the shower the other day while I was sorting test results." When Mikeys hands dropped and blush come over his face, Donatello allowed his grin to spread further.  
  
"That's what I thought. Do you want me to reenact what you two were mostly likely doing?" Alas, he hadn't thought of that, just that they were trying to escape the situation with Raph. He couldn't help but chuckle at the younger brothers wide eyed stare, shaking his head swiftly. Leo chuckled with Donnie, reaching out toward said turtle and squeezing his wrist briefly before retracting his arm.  
  
"There's no reason to try and hide it so hard anymore, Donnie. We don't hold any judgment against you." The warm smile was what he had come here looking for in the first place.  
  
"Does father know?" Michelangelo released a small sigh, looking to his older siblings.  
  
"He hasn't said anything, but when does he ever _not_ know when something this big is going on?" They all laughed again, happy to ease their spirits, enjoying each others' company.  
  
A sudden pinging, beeping sound could be heard, and Tell'u was suddenly in the doorway.  
  
"Donatello, I just received a call from the medics." The olive turtle glanced to him, terror locking him in place as he saw the defeated look upon the aliens face. Hope that the Utrom would not utter what he feared most fluttered dangerously in his heart.  
  
"Raphael is unresponsive."  
  
  
  
 _TBC...._


End file.
